The Con in the Disconnection

How lonely are you? How many social interactions do you have in-person compared to accessing social media platforms? It seems fairly common that interactions using a smartphone or other device overshadow meaningful face to face connections. Our habits are very intertwined with social media nowadays, but what are the risks? Exploring these topics and even interviewing an Intel Analyst with Homeland Security, gives us more context on today’s cons.

From toddlers who know how to access and scroll through a smartphone, to the growing grandmother influencer trends, the ease of apps is integrated across the age spectrum. While social media platforms offer a way to keep up with friends, family, and colleagues and make friends with people worldwide, it is a double-edged sword.

The Illusion of Connection

Are we feeling genuinely connected or are we having a relationship with an app that is providing an experience, simply the illusion of closeness? Social media exchanges can make us feel as though we are having more meaningful relationships than we are. The amount of time spent on our smartphones has continued to increase year by year. According to Mainspring Recovery on Cellphone Addiction Statistics, the average person checks their phone about eighty times per day and spends about 2 hours and 22 minutes on social media per day. They also cite that “overuse of cell phones has been shown to have negative effects on personal relationships, with many people reporting feeling ignored or neglected by loved ones who are too busy on their devices.”

The Dopamine Does It

According to the well-known Harvard study, Dopamine, Smartphones and You, there is a dopamine rush in our brain upon receiving positive social stimuli, and this will reinforce whatever behavior preceded it. Specifically, social stimuli activate the same reward pathways as drugs, and our smartphones supply nearly limitless stimuli, with dopamine released whenever we get a notification, a like or even a positive emoji. The implication is that like a drug, this can lead to an addictive relationship with our devices.

Loneliness + Social Media = Scams?

The theory explored here is that people check their phones compulsively because they aren’t getting a real connection, they get a dopamine reward from their online interactions, and this leads to reinforcement of time spent on social media and further deterioration of real connection. All this disconnection makes people more susceptible to scams. If you are getting a lot of positive feedback in the form of romantic attention that will be even more impactful to your dopamine receptors.

Scams Begin Simply, According to Intel Analyst

Most people know not to click on random suspicious links, and how to use their discernment on social media. Sometimes scams are more sophisticated and elaborate but begin simply. A discussion with Bob Eggimann, Intel Analyst for Homeland Security, shed some light on the most common types of scams, what to do to protect yourself and how to report a scam. According to Eggimann, the number one fraud in the US is investment fraud, which could be something like calling you from a call center to invest in gold or crypto, with the scam playing out quickly.

Scams Connected to Social Media

How many times have you seen a post where someone is on a plane, sharing about taking off for a trip? Eggimann says with the advancements of AI and the prevalence of social media details, some shocking scams are unfolding. Did you know that AI can easily replicate voices? One con Eggimann described involves a supposed call from jail, with AI imitating the voice of a woman’s grandson, claiming he got arrested in Mexico (where social media posts pegged him as being) and needing money for bail. This example illustrates that not only can you not believe what you see but nowadays you can’t trust your ears, either. Chances are if we had closer relationships, this con would be less successful.

Romantic Catfishing

The second most common scam is romantic catfishing which is long term, and they eventually ask for money. Eggimann says his agency doesn’t track the data as to exactly how these may start or how long it carries on, but he indicates that it is often a more long-term scenario. “This kind can look different, but the relationship is built over time, although it can move quickly and will continue so long as the scammer is getting something.” He continues, “They may begin on a dating app where someone is specifically looking for a romantic partner, or on social media. Since COVID, more people are using social media platforms to message. People put a lot of information on their profiles nowadays on social media.”

There are more common schemes for how these fraudsters get you to give over your hard-earned dollars in romantic cat-fishing scenarios. They can happen to male or female adults of any age, and the big difference with age is that younger people don’t have as much money to be scammed out of. Eggimann says, “These scammers have honed their strategies and give a reason to be overseas and often unavailable. It could be some plausible reason, such as being deployed in the military, or a contractor of some kind.”

Feelings Tied to Fraud

Cons often involve triggering some feelings and associated responses. Love, greed, and fear are big motivators. Playing on more than one strong emotion can motivate a would-be victim in the right circumstances. An example of a ruse playing on greed and love, according to Eggimann, could be a military contractor who says they found a suitcase of gold and are going to send it to you for safekeeping, and you take out what you think is fair. “First, they will claim you need to pay for something, such as a Customs fee or other associated costs to supposedly get the loot to your location,” says Eggimann. He continues, “A person caught in this type of scam may feel they can trust the sender if they think they are in a romantic relationship.”

Fake Trust Over Time

Building trust with someone by using love bombing tactics has swindled Americans out of millions. In romantic scams, a common ploy for needing money is an emergency of some kind, or to get a plane ticket or other traveling expenses to allegedly come visit you. The length of time after establishing a relationship and making an “ask” depends on many factors but could easily be more than a year. According to Eggimann, “These scammers are often carrying on fake relationships with many targets at once, investing time and energy into their cons.”

A Real Phone Number?

How to know if your long-distance love interest is legit? “There are steps you can take to vet who you think you are talking to,” shares Eggimann, “It’s key to pay close attention to the methods of communication. Scammers on dating apps will often ask you to chat on other apps where the conversations aren’t tracked. A phone call may not be from a legitimate phone number but could be a VoIP.”

The Voice over Internet Protocol number can look like a regular phone number but is not tied to a person the same as a cell phone or landline plan, making it harder to track a person through. This means if you lose money to that person, authorities will be less likely to have a trail to follow. You can search online whether a phone number is listed with a particular carrier and do some checking to find out if it’s VoIP.

Video Chat for Verification

“If you are interested in someone you meet on social media, insist you do a video chat with them. Just getting someone to agree is not good enough.” Eggimann cautions, “It’s common for someone who is scamming you to schedule calls and have seemingly plausible reasons to never show up.” Sometimes the scammer may get on the video call, but the quality is bad, or the video is supposedly malfunctioning to the extent that you can’t be sure they are who they seem to be.

Report Suspected Scams

According to Eggimann, it’s best to report any suspected fraud or scams. He emphasizes, “Report it anyway, you could have the one piece of information that could prevent someone else from getting scammed, don’t feel badly or gullible, these people can be very sophisticated.” Reporting crimes is all about jurisdiction. If someone comes to your door or the interactions are in your own area, then report it locally. Otherwise, report it to federal agencies and they will share and coordinate the information as needed across agencies.

The Pain of Isolation

Next, we look more closely at how to address loneliness. “Loneliness is literally a life-or-death challenge,” according to Shawn Lauzon, Authentic Relating Facilitator, “It evolved because those who didn’t have the mechanism causing them to put forth the effort to maintain close, social bonds were ejected from the tribe, which almost always led to death.” Lauzon points to cuts in funding for programs like libraries, parks and pools, and the rise of social media, to exacerbate the loneliness problem in our society. “As a species we require connection; it’s why we feel bad when we are socially isolated. The feeling of loneliness is an adaptive mechanism to encourage us to spend time with others. When someone comes up to us, whether virtually or in real life, lonely people will grab at this, because it’s exactly what they are seeking.” He continues, “However, on social media it’s much less obvious who is trustworthy, and who is not. The lack of nonverbal communication, the ability to look in a person’s eye, make a difference. The person running a con doesn’t even need to spend much time compared to a real-life interaction, as they can even copy paste fraud text, which is specifically targeted for these lonely people.”

The Stigma of Loneliness

“One thing that needs to change is how we think about loneliness,” advises Lauzon. “If I am hungry, I have no problem telling someone I’m hungry and then we get something to eat. However, to admit to being lonely, feels like this massive thing. If we are getting a signal that we need more social contact, it may be hard to take a step, especially if there is fear of rejection.”

How we communicate about our loneliness is the next key factor Lauzon emphasizes. “Vulnerability and authenticity must come into play here, where a person feels safe to admit they feel lonely and can have a genuine interaction with another person about this, without putting walls. The same walls that we think protect us, prevent others from connecting with us,” says Lauzon. He urges, “Identify someone you feel safe reaching out to, and take that step.”

Combat Loneliness Naturally

Connection is an ongoing need for all of us. No matter how everything appears on social media, chances are most people would appreciate more authentic connection at times. If you are feeling lonely, just checking in with other people to see how they are doing could be the connection needed to resolve this for yourself and mitigate potential loneliness for the other person, too.

Look for ways to build and strengthen relationships face to face for a better sense of connection. Chances are, those close to you will appreciate it, and you can grow your inner circle to include others. If you are experiencing loneliness, reach out to others, join a support group, or seek help from a qualified therapist. You can also find healthy ways to feed your dopamine receptors and increase endorphins. This can include exercise, healthy foods, quality sleep and meditation.

Find Shawn at https://Shawnlauzon.com