Last Monday, the Today Show Host announced on air that after 8 years together she and her fiancé were ending their engagement and making the decision to raise their two children, Hope 2, and Haley 4, as parents but no longer as a couple.
“Joel and I have had a lot of prayerful and meaningful conversations over the holidays, and we decided that we’re better as friends and parents than we are as an engaged couple, so we decided we are going to start this new year… on our new path as loving parents to our adorable, delightful children, and as friends,” said Hoda Kotb during the broadcast.
She took a philosophical approach to their relationship when she shared with co-host Jenna Bush Hager, “It’s not like something happened. They say sometimes relationships are meant to be there for a reason, or a season, or for a lifetime. And I feel like ours was meant to be there for a season.”
This attitude about their relationship has allowed Kotb to remain optimistic about her life moving forward, “A lot of women know what this feels like… to be changing course in life, and I feel really brave in this moment, which is a strange feeling to feel,” she said. “But sometimes in your life, you just have to say the truth.”
“You can carry it and you can pretend… you ask yourself, ‘Am I just being optimistic?’ And sometimes you realize optimism is like trying to put a circle in a square — sometimes it just doesn’t work, and it’s okay. To be able to acknowledge it… I feel better that I said it.”
The attitude she has taken about her breakup leaves her in a great position to heal quickly and leave her heart open to finding love again. So, what can you learn from Hoda’s approach to the end of her relationship that can help you heal your heart and move on from a breakup?
The key is her quoting the adage, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” When you accept that some people won’t be with you for the long haul, then you can look for the reason they came into your life and how they have enriched it and made you a better person.
If you start with the belief that everything is happening for you (not to you) to help you grow, you’ll be in the best mindset to be ready for love after you’ve gone through a breakup. Understand that events in your life happen so you can move toward your highest and best self. So, this person who has broken your heart showed up in your life for a reason.
When your heart breaks it actually breaks open to hold more love. That’s not just something we say, it’s true because when you go through a break-up you are in the best possible position to grow from the experience and have more of yourself available to show up more fully the next time around.
When you learn and grow from your experiences (instead of holding a grudge) then you will continue to have better, more fulfilling relationships in your life. This mindset makes you available to connect with someone you can create a lasting partnership with.
The first step to healing your heart after a breakup is to take time to journal about the relationship and discover anything you learned about yourself and how you may have grown from the experience. What was it about your ex that allowed you to evolve into the person you are today? Perhaps you can identify a shortcoming of your own, so you know what to work on before your next romantic relationship.
The key is to allow your ex to become a catalyst for growth and for positive changes in yourself. A different person wouldn’t have motivated you in the same way. Discover why it had to be this specific person to teach you about yourself or to highlight where you still have room for improvement. You’ll know you have the answer when you begin to feel grateful that this person showed up in your life. Gratitude is the key that will set you free so you can move on to find love again.
Of her ex-fiancé Schiffman, Kotb said, “He’s a great guy. He’s a very kind and loving person, and I feel privileged to have spent eight years with him. We are both good and we are both kind of going on our way and our path. We’ll be good parents to those two lovely kids.”
She is clearly feeling and expressing her gratitude for her experience with Joel. This puts her in place to take the next step to opening her heart to love again.
When you find gratitude for having gone through the painful experiences, we call that The Golden Nugget of Learning. You can find one big Golden Nugget, or you may find several small ones – every relationship is different.
It is The Golden Nugget that allows you to release feelings of loss and sorrow and instead step into gratitude for the experience. You will no longer pine for your ex because the attachment to the relationship will be severed. Now you can begin the process of opening your heart to receive the long-lasting love you truly desire.